It is been 14 years since Portal 2, and the wait for a new game in the series has not ended. If you are a die-hard fan, have a lot of money lying about, and enjoy pinball, you can get Portal on the P3 Pinball Platform, complete with the passive-aggressive stylings of GlaDOS as played by actor Ellen McLain.
The P3 Pinball Platform is a genuine pinball machine featuring a 1080p video display, “state-of-the-art ball tracking technology” on the primary table, and a And sure, you hear Ellen McLain’s voice in the trailer: GlaDOS “supervises and taunts you throughout the game,” but if you complete the objectives of seven “test chambers,” guided by a new “Teambuilding Personality Core” named Reggie, you will have the opportunity to exact revenge on her in a final face-to-face “wizard mode” battle against the ever-so-slightly insane AI.
According to Pinball News, the Portal pinball machine is completely licensed from Valve. Valve developers collaborated with Multimorphic, the creator of the P3 Platform, to offer access to game materials and guarantee that all details were correct.
I used to play a lot of pinballs back when arcades were full of cigarette smoke and sleazy folks, and I can tell you this: Tommy would be OK here, but I do not think I would be able to handle it. Age has weakened my reflexes, but the actual issue at hand (so to speak) is pure sensory overload. I am supposed to monitor the ball and shoot while also watching the enormous display underneath and playing video games, all while the machine yells at me about my poor skills. And then Turret Multiball kicks in? Three balls kicking around in the then-revolutionary High Speed was sufficient for me, thank you.
Not that I need to worry about it, because the Portal pinball table costs substantially more than, to take a straightforward example, the replacement value.modular upper playfield that allows alternative components and themes to be easily switched in. It is similar to traditional cartridge-based gaming consoles in that you can pop in a new playfield module and instantly have a new game to play, but in this case, it is pinball.
Still, the Portal Pinball machine appears impressive. It promises “many physical and virtual features modelled after elements from the Portal 1 and Portal 2 videogames,” such as “10 RGB illuminated physical playfield portals and six additional scoop portals, through which the pinball can ‘travel through’ instantly.”
That is for the “standard game kit.” If you want the “extended game kit,” which adds an extra flipper to the pandemonium, the deposit is $2,500, with a final purchase price of $12,500.
By my calculations, that equates to 50,000 quarters; assuming five minutes per session (which is not ideal, but I am trying to keep things simple), it equates to 250,000 minutes of table time: 4,167 hours, nearly 174 days, or just shy of six solid months spent hammering flippers and bumping tilts. My parents would have been outraged. (If you already own a P3 table, you can get the Portal gaming kit for a mere $1,000, which I doubt would have made them very happy.)
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